It's Better To Look Back On Life And Say: I Can't Believe I Did That

It's better to look back on life and say: I can't believe I did that. Than to look back and say, I wish I did that.

You Want To Come Into My Life, The Door Is Open. Just One Request

You want to come into my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don't stand at the door, you're blocking the traffic.

Don't Be Disappointed If People Refuse To Help You: Remember The Words Of Einstein

Don't be disappointed if the people refuse to help you. Remember the words of Einstein: I'm thankful to all those who said 'NO' because of them, I did it myself.

Women Are Like Volcanoes Both Stay Calm For Extended Periods Of Time

Women are like volcanoes. Both stay calm for extended periods of time before exploding and killing everything in their path. Then, they're calm again.

You Know How To Tell When Someone Is Miserable With Their Own Life?

You know how to tell when someone is miserable with their own life? When they look for ways to destroy someone else's.

You May Think The Grass Is Greener On The Other Side

You may think the grass is greener on the other side. But if you take the time to water your own grass it would be just as green.

Eveybody Wants To Go To Heaven

Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Oh, You Expected ME To Keep In Contact With YOU, But Not Vice-Versa?

Oh, you expected me to keep in contact with you, but not vice-versa? My bad, I forgot that's how friendship worked.

Free Yourself From All The Negativity That's Drowning You

Free yourself from all the negativity that's drowning you.

A Friend Will Help You Up If Someone Knocks You Down

A friend will help you up if someone knocks you down . A best friend says "Stay down. I got this"

Geez, You Offer Someone A Sincere Compliment On Their Mustache

Geez, you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache, and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

I Open The Window For A Second To Let A Fly Out

I open the window for a second to let the fly out and ten flies, six mosquitos, three moths, 2 mice, and a Jehovahs Witness get in.

Everything Happens For A Reason But Sometimes The Reason Is That You're Stupid

Everything happens for a reason but sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and you make bad decisions.

It Didn't Smell That Bad Guys

It didn't smell that bad guys

Treat Me Like A King I'll Treat You Like A Queen

Treat me like a King I'll treat you like a Queen. Treat me like a game I'll show you how it's played.

I Tried To Say No To The Vodka But It's 40% Stronger Than Me

I Tried To Say No To The Vodka But It's 40% Stronger Than Me